Okay, but do I really want to swap places with anyone?
To be entirely fair, there aren’t any characters I’d trade places with, not 100%. Too many of them deal with constant suffering, or intermediate suffering that sucks four times as much as the constant suffering.
I’d get flattened in an instant by that, especially without my anti-depressants. No thanks, too much pressure for me!
But if you’re really going to make me choose, like Meeghan @ Meeghan Reads is doing with today’s Top 5 Tuesday prompt, then I suppose I can come up with a list of characters whose lives are either tolerable or have cool enough pieces worth trading for!
Vaness from Susan Dennard’s Witchlands Series
The Marstoki Empress, Vaness is not only beautiful, but a talented witch, capable of moving extreme amounts of earth and metal with her gifts. Since I grew up absolutely idolizing Toph in Avatar: The Last Airbender, this one is a no brainer.
Hell yeah, I’d trade places with the super powerful earthbender princess!
That said, I suppose I will pass on the political kidnappings and assassination attempts. A little too high stress for me at the end of the day.
Katrien from Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson
If you can get past some of the occupational hazards of living and working in a sentient library, Katrien is living the dream. She’s only a minor character compared to the rest of the cast, but I love her life so much. She’s aro, happily so, and free to spend her entire life conducting research alongside books that are 100% definitely sentient and complete with personality to boot.
My simple wish is to one day have a bookshelf that’s actually a door to a secret room. My impossible wish is to live in a library like Katrien does.
Lucy Carlyle from Jonathan Stroud’s Lockwood and Co. Series
Okay, do I really want to be responsible for managing the UK’s ghost crisis as a child? Absolutely not. See above, where this stuff would run me into the ground without my medication.
But on the other hand, Lucy gets to fight ghosts with a sword and serve as intermediary between the living and the dead when no one else is willing to listen. She’s clever and sharp and brave, and I just love her to PIECES.
Also, she gets to be friends with Lockwood and George, who make a great team. Ghostly danger aside, she’s got a pretty neat life!
Aziraphale from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett
Aziraphale lives in a bookstore that’s always closed so he can go half-ass his angelic duties and get back to his reading. Need I say more?
(I do need to say more. I’m not a fan of getting swept up in the Apocalypse: Comedy of Errors edition. I just want the bookstore life, that’s all. And I guess the ability to miracle a mug of hot chocolate into existence when I really want it.)
Creel from Jessica Day George’s Dragon Slippers Trilogy
Set aside the aunt who sacrifices Creel to a dragon, and the sheer danger levels of getting involved with dragon conflicts, and I would trade with Creel! She befriends one of the most amazing dragons in existence, gets to marry a prince who’s just smitten with her, and is pretty much a major hero for dragons and humans alike.
Plus, she’s from a middle grade series, so she gets a happy ending. I will definitely accept a happy ending!
Honestly, swapping places would be impossible without the caveat of “I don’t want the danger,” so this is as close as we’ll get. Do you think I’ve made good choices, or am I liable to run into some deep trouble with some of these trades? Who would you trade with? Let’s chat!